I was very moved by the story of Dominic Cummings in the news yesterday, following his father’s instinct as he did.
So I wrote a poem.
Dear people of the great United K,
It’s well past time for me have my say.
So here’s the truth – believe it if you can.
I am an honest, reasonable man.
You know that I don’t like to wear a suit,
I shun the limelight, and I’m not hirsute.
This speech is very hard for me to make,
But here I go, for all of Britain’s sake.
My son was home, we needed help with him,
But chance of any local aid was slim.
So I resolved that we up north would go,
We drove non-stop and kept our heads down low.
We isolated then in Durham town,
Observing EVERY rule of locking down.
We definitely didn’t go outside,
And anyone who says we did has lied!
I then became quite ill and stayed in bed,
Until I felt recovered in the head.
But one symptom remained, to my surprise –
I had a little problem with my eyes!
I otherwise felt ready to go out,
But driving back down south was now in doubt.
I thought I’d check my vision was all right
By visiting a famous tourist site.
We loaded up and drove that very day
To Barnard Castle, thirty miles away.
By pure coincidence, that day it was –
The birthday of my wife! What are the odds?
My eyes were fine, so we were good to go,
We came back home to London, as you know.
I went once more to work at number ten,
And did NOT take the M1 north again.
Well, now you know that my philosophy
Is that the same rules do apply to me!
My motto, let me say right now to you
Is this: ‘Do as I say, AND as I do’.
So that’s the truth, we’ll let the matter rest.
I only did my father’s-duty best.
Forget about my epic all-night drives,
Let’s stay alert! – and get back to our lives.